How much childcare should I provide? Expand Establishing a balance of how much childcare to offer can be quite tricky. Looking after your grandchild should be a joy, not a duty, but if parents are struggling to pay for childcare you might feel a lot of pressure to help as much as you can. Make sure you acknowledge your limits, and only commit to what you can do. If you get tired easily, have a health condition or are looking after someone else as well, make sure you don’t overstretch yourself. The other things which are important to you – being with your partner, seeing your friends, doing your job – shouldn’t suffer as a result. If you are a parent thinking of asking your parents or parents-in-law to look after your child, be grateful for what they are willing to do for you and don’t put pressure on them to do more, as this is unfair and can cause tension. Remember that for all kinds of reasons not all grandparents are willing or able to provide childcare.
My daughter assumes I will look after the baby when she goes back to work. Is that fair? Expand It is fair to ask, but not to take this for granted. Parents should respect your life and your freedom to choose. Not all grandparents want to be involved in providing childcare, and it is for you to let them know if that’s how you feel. If you do choose to look after your grandchildren, it’s important to get the ground rules clear at the start and to make your voice heard before any childcare arrangement begins, otherwise you may feel resentful and they may have come to rely on you. The parents may not have thought about it from your perspective or they may still think of you as you were ten years ago, not now. Open and honest conversations are really important - make sure you share any concerns you have from the outset, so that everyone knows where you stand.
What should we discuss with the parents before we start? Expand Do try and talk about practical issues before you start looking after your grandchild. Having this discussion will be a good way to establish ground rules, as many parents and grandparents worry whose rules should apply when the grandparents are looking after the grandchild. Remember that children need consistency – though they can accept, for example, that in Grandma’s house they take their shoes off and put their own toys away even if this isn’t expected at home. It's also a good idea to discuss who will pay for what, where you'll look after the children (at your home or theirs, for example), and how long you might be doing it for.
What should we do about money? Expand Looking after grandchildren incurs costs. There are lots of things to pay for: food, toys, days out, transport fares etc. It is good to have an open discussion about who is expected to pay for what. Do not be afraid to say no to your grandchildren or the parents if an activity is too costly. You should not feel obliged to pay for anything. Remember that the parents are saving a lot of money thanks to you! One idea is to keep a budget to keep track of your outgoings and keep a tab for the parents. One common arrangement is for parents to cover the grandparents’ expenses (lunch, outings etc). A minority of parents do pay grandparents for providing childcare, but many grandparents are quite happy to look after their grandchildren for nothing. When that is the case, parents may choose to treat the grandparents to a meal out or small gifts as a way to say thank you.
Can I get any financial support for looking after my grandchild? Expand Grandparents providing childcare aren't usually eligible for any financial support. Whether or not your son or daughter pay you for providing childcare may be an important issue for you to discuss at the outset, especially if you're giving up work or reducing your hours to help. Legally, they can give you money if they wish, but be aware that if it is a payment for childcare rather than a gift, then you become their employee. An employer employee relationship entails certain rights and responsibilities including potential tax liability (depending on your total income). The government has introduced a National Insurance credit to ensure that grandparents and other relatives of working age who are providing childcare do not lose out on their basic state pension. The credits, called Specified Adult Childcare Credits are for anyone who is providing care for a young relative under the age of 12 in order to enable a parent to work. You can get more information and an application form from gov.uk or phone the National Insurance Helpline on 0300 200 3500.
Is it better for my grandchild to be looked after by me or by a childminder / nursery? Expand Every family has to find the right balance that works for them. Grandparent care has some obvious advantages: trust and love. Also it’s more flexible than daycare. Click here for some information on the pros and cons of different types of childcare. You should always make sure you find opportunities for your grandchild to mix with other children. The best way to do this is by attending a regular playgroup, where your grandchild will get to know and interact with children the same age. You should also make sure your grandchild has an adequate level of activity. Driving them around a lot might not be the best way for them to get exercise. The evidence shows that children looked after by grandparents may be more likely to be overweight. So get that bicycle or scooter out for them! Children under 5 who can walk on their own should be physically active for at least three hours a day. This should be spread throughout the day, indoors or outside. Click here for information about how much exercise children should do in order to keep healthy. Be careful of their diets. It’s easy to overfeed a child, and as the grandparent it is tempting to ‘treat’ a child with too many sugary drinks, sweets, biscuits, cakes, ice cream and other empty calories. Click here for healthy recipes and tips.
My child is a single parent and relies exclusively on me for childcare. Can we get help? Expand It's common for grandparents to step in to help when their son or daughter is a single parent. It can be difficult for you to say no, especially if they're on a low income and rely on you so they can work and make ends meet. However, there are some ways for them to get some help. If your son or daughter’s child is 3 or 4 years old, they can get 15 hours free nursery education a week. Some 2-year-olds are also entitled to free early education. To find out if your grandchild is eligible contact your local Family Information Service. If your son or daughter is working, they may be eligible for help with childcare costs through tax credits or childcare vouchers. Visit the Gingerbread website for advice and support for single parents.
What should I do about work? Expand If you're planning to help out with childcare and still working, you might have to consider how you can balance the two. In June 2014, the government extended the legal rights to request flexible working hours to all employees, including grandparents. To qualify, employees must have worked for the same employer for at least 26 weeks, and while you have the right to ask for flexible working, it is up to your employer whether or not to grant it. Employers must deal with requests in a ‘reasonable manner’ and can only refuse for good business reasons. They should usually make a decision within three months of the request. Whatever change you're thinking about making, you should make sure you've thought through any financial impact it's going to have, especially if you're considering reducing your hours.